A twitterpated fool

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself. I don't really have much courage. I am strong in a lot of ways, but I am not very brave. I do not have the courage to do what makes me happy. I do not have the courage to say the things I know I should. I cover it up with a lot of double talk and seeming nonchalance, but it really just comes down to the fact that I am a coward.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain. I wish I could sit for a few hours and just have white noise. I don't always want my thoughts tearing into five opposite directions and simultaneously coming to five different conclusions. I had an acting teacher that used to tell me I was too smart for my own good. I think about that sometimes.

Sometimes I think that the risks I have taken have all been the wrong ones, and maybe we only have so many times in life where we're willing to risk it all and see what happens. I think that I might have wasted mine on things of little consequence.

Sometimes I think that if I could just sit around a read for the rest of my days I would be most content. People in books are so much nicer. You can almost always tell what they are going to do before they do it, if they become frustrating you can just shut the book and walk away from them, and they are alway there when you need them.

Sometimes I don't tell what you what I mean, and I mean everything I don't say.

Thinking Thoughts

I want to take life slowly.

I want to go live in Mexico for at least a year.

I want to experience France too.

I want to not fall in love again.

I want to grow my hair long.

I want to do it right this time, and stick to the plan.

I want to savor this moment.

I want to avoid you.

I want to make them laugh at things that make me cry.

I want to sing for you.

I want to write until I can't feel my fingers anymore.

I want to pretend I never felt that way, even though I still do.

I want to ride my bike to the end of the path, and then keep going.

I want to live in London for as long as I possibly can.

I want to believe that it's all possible.

I want to see the beauty in it.

I want to make sure that it means something.

I want to wear plaid again.

I want to have pink hair.

I want to pierce something.

I want to live my life like a Musical.

I want to hold hands and link arms like we used to, without caring.

I want to believe that in the end, I'll end up where I'm supposed to be...