I've found that secret smile again, I don't know if it's a good thing, but I'm trying not to worry about it.
On Sunday my Uncle George introduced me to an old friend of his, he said that everyone was looking forward to seeing great things from me. It made me panic a little. I don't feel capable of any sort of greatness. But maybe that's the point. It's not my greatness that matters, it's not my greatness that will accomplish anything. That's scary too. But in a different way, letting go of everything and trusting that it will all come together. Trusting that I won't be dashed to pieces on the rocks or swallowed by the waves. Remembering that I have to keep looking ahead, to the only one who can save me from myself.
Starting to trust God in all the little things, as well as the big ones, has been so huge. I'm seeing things come together in ways I never thought they would. Little things like a comment about my hair cut, or an unexpected confidence, small things that make the world easier to handle, the little things that make me smile when I think back on the day. These are the things that I am learning to be thankful for, not taking them for granted, but appreciating them and really being thankful for them. It's so crazy how I can stress about something for weeks, and as soon as I let go of it and give it up, I see it come together and get resolved. How when I finally surrender my pride and ask for help or comfort, it is given in abundance.
I am rediscovering my joy in the Lord, something I thought I had lost forever. It's an amazing journey, one that I am so excited to be taking. It's so awe-inspiring to me how God can lift us from the midst of any thing and help us find our way back home.
I am trying to remember every day how far I've come and how much further I can still go.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Real Magic
I went to PetSmart yesterday with my dog, and there was a little bird lose in the store. It was flying around hiding behind big bags of seed.
I got a fantastic review at work, and a raise. As a reward to myself, from me, I bought Arrested Development Season three. I watched it all in one go. It was really funny, which is why I stayed awake until 2am.
I never thought that auditors could be hot. Today I was shown that they most certainly can be hot. Smokin' hottt. Yes that's three 't's. There are two of them and they are both gorgeous, in that tall, broad, Nordic way. Of course, I would pick today to have a frumptastic fat day.
I have this corporate gig next week, and I will be playing my guitar and singing cowboy/country songs, some of them rather silly. So, I picked up my guitar for the first time in over two years to check and see which string was missing so I could replace it. There were no missing strings, and it was tuned. I was shocked. I thought that it was a modern miracle. There was no other explanation, except magic, but either way it was pretty cool.
Then I remembered that one of my friends played my guitar when he was over last month. I couldn't remember if it had all the strings, but I figure it was probably him. I was a little crestfallen at not having been the recipient of mystical aide, but still quite pleased I didn't have to restring anything on my own.
I got a fantastic review at work, and a raise. As a reward to myself, from me, I bought Arrested Development Season three. I watched it all in one go. It was really funny, which is why I stayed awake until 2am.
I never thought that auditors could be hot. Today I was shown that they most certainly can be hot. Smokin' hottt. Yes that's three 't's. There are two of them and they are both gorgeous, in that tall, broad, Nordic way. Of course, I would pick today to have a frumptastic fat day.
I have this corporate gig next week, and I will be playing my guitar and singing cowboy/country songs, some of them rather silly. So, I picked up my guitar for the first time in over two years to check and see which string was missing so I could replace it. There were no missing strings, and it was tuned. I was shocked. I thought that it was a modern miracle. There was no other explanation, except magic, but either way it was pretty cool.
Then I remembered that one of my friends played my guitar when he was over last month. I couldn't remember if it had all the strings, but I figure it was probably him. I was a little crestfallen at not having been the recipient of mystical aide, but still quite pleased I didn't have to restring anything on my own.
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